Dr. Don Newbury
It’s getting tough for a camel to find a tent that doesn’t already have another dromedary’s nose in it.
Uncle Mort, my 96-year-old uncle down in the thicket, is convinced that the trend is true throughout culture. "It’s everywhere," he contends. "Too many folks are pushing envelopes to the absolute edge, even at Cowboys Stadium." Upon further review, he says there’s a "multi-dimensional" nose-under-the-tent drama playing out at the stadium. At the center of things, of course, is owner Jerry Jones—in a camel suit.
My uncle believes that this time Jones may have gone too far, getting caught up in three-dimensional video board technicalities when there should be more attention paid to his "one-dimensional team.".
The 3-D video "trial run" when the Cowboys hosted San Diego a few days back fizzled about as badly as the team did.
All 90,000+ fans were handed throw-away eye shades, but the desired crisp 3-D effect they were supposed to deliver was blurry. They shut the thing off early in the third quarter, opting for high definition pictures seven stories tall on the $40 million board.
Sports writers and pundits are having a field day with the 3-D efforts, some calling for the distribution of "rose-colored" glasses, others for black lenses.
There are reasons to vote "yea" or "nay" concerning the glasses.
On the "plus" side, fans showing up with bloodshot eyes can do so undetected, and the glasses will also be handy for fans preferring incognito status. On the flip side, when they don’t like the way the players play, coaches coach or referees "ref," their eye-rolling might as well be in a mine shaft.
They said Coach Wade Phillips was fiddling with a pair of the shades when he left the stadium, and accidentally bumped against a little old lady, sending her to the ground. "No offense, no offense," he offered. "You certainly haven’t," she answered.
Mort seems sure, though, that Jones will come out on top—eventually. "He’s called cunning and he’s called shrewd," my uncle said. "Them that’s against him like the first description, and those favoring Jones like ‘shrewd’ best. Look ‘em up in the word book; the definitions are mighty similar."
Here’s the way Mort thinks the deal will play out: Before long, they’ll get the video thing straightened out, and the 3-D will be so sharp that fans will go "ga-ga."
"Then they’ll announce that Dolly Parton will be at the stadium in concert, and there’ll be an extra charge for the third dimension," Mort laughed.
I guess I’ll have to start giving my old uncle more credit. He’s "bulldog stubborn" when he gets on a case, and he recently cracked one over in East Texas. It seems that a grinch in the community was deflating yard Christmas figures far and wide.
Mort caught him "red-and-green" handed, and a common-sense judge found him guilty as charged. He faces 100 hours of community service, in addition to repairing and re-inflating all the figures he damaged. If he’s just got half the hot air Mort has, well.
I’m batting .500 repairing yard ornamentation that my wife labors over.
This year, the lighted yard angel with moving wings stood motionless, a broken plastic piece in its straw-like shell.
I was able to glue it back in 20 minutes, but "ungluing" my fingers took nearly four hours.
We hope to visit Uncle Mort and Aunt Maude soon.
Their little house is devoid of glitzy decorations, but it smells so much like Christmas. They always have a live cedar tree Uncle Mort cuts himself, and basic adornment consists of strings of berries and popcorn. Visitors get their fill of apple cider and are treated to a glut of Mort’s stories. They’re non-stop, and the pump requires but little priming.
It’s fun to watch them open presents, too. Even then, the rules of frugality apply. Maude carefully unties the ribbons, putting them away with the undamaged wrapping paper for re-use next year.
The old couple doesn’t complain. As their stock of medicine mounts, storage is becoming a problem. So, they’re giving themselves practical gifts this year—"his" and "her" medicine chests.
Makes sense to me.
As does the wish for you and yours that Christmas blessings will abide in this season, and throughout the new year…
Dr. Newbury is a speaker and author in the Metroplex. Send inquiries and comments to firstname.lastname@example.org or call 817-447-3872. Visit his Web site at www.speakerdoc.com.