Richard Denning

In case you’ve just awakened from a very long coma, we are still enduring a United States presidential campaign of epic proportions. It is historic for any number of reasons, not the least of which is the length of time candidates have been campaigning and the money they have raised and spent.

More discussion and predictions have taken place about the campaign than all of the debate concerning a fair playoff system in the Bowl Championship Series, Michael Jackson’s nose and the state of Donald Trump’s hair combined. One wonders if various network executives are paying candidates to extend their debate to supply endless material for radio and television productions.

Truth be known, it’s been ever so entertaining. I am continually impressed by the ability of candidates to spin the response to any question toward their political bias. Rarely do they answer what is asked.

The press: What are the specific details of your economic plan to avoid a recession?

The candidate: Yee-haw, y’all. It is an honor to be in the great state of Texas! You are to be commended for the quality of your cattle and quantity of extraterrestrials. My incompetent, lowlife, backstabbing opponents say the price of oil is too high and folks up

North have to pay too much for heating fuel. Check with the good people of West Texas. They’re buying new cars and houses like there’s no tomorrow. Now that’s prosperity. How do you like my new boots?

Applying this technique to the workplace could be interesting.

The boss: You messed up our accounting system so badly that a plus subtracts and a minus multiplies.

The employee: I love my job! Nice outfit today. My illiterate and meddlesome coworkers obviously slept through Accounting 101 on the way to a MBA, mighty bad attitude. I respectfully suggest we reevaluate office assignments and provide free lunches for all employees. Gotta run. It’s time to hit the gym.

Candidates often respond to a question by saying, “That’s a good question.”

Translation: “I have no earthly idea what the question refers to and my entire political career may hinge on the answer. I need to buy some time to figure out what I’m going to say. Come on oratory skills. Kick in now.”

In this situation I feel that an appropriate response from the person who posed the question should be, “Thank you very much. It took me all night to create this list of questions. I think each and every one is good. Are you inferring that all of my other questions are bad?”

I take my rights as an American citizen seriously. I have been carefully watching the candidates, listening to the debates, and learning about how each feels on diverse issues. When election day finally arrives, the candidate who answers a yes/no question with an unembellished yes or no, the candidate who answers a question directly and on point in less than thirty seconds, at least once, that candidate will get my vote.