Leaving the theater after seeing “Riddick,” I happened to overhear a couple discussing the film with one of their friends.
“Well, he does so many nice things for me, going to antiques stores and stuff, so I kind of owed him a guy movie.”
I suddenly realize that some girlfriends aren’t being forced just to see “guy” movies, but just plain terrible-in-every-aspect-of-film-making movies. Girlfriends and wives of the world, I apologize on behalf of your men who have terrible taste in movies.
The film opens with a bloodied hand reaching from a pile of rocks and dust. The voiceover indicates the hand belongs to Richard B. Riddick (Vin Diesel), an escaped convict/murderer/all around macho guy. He finds himself on a foreign planet, fighting to survive amidst a collection of strange and vicious creatures.
Soon enough, he finds his way to a mercenary outpost. Riddick figures his ticket off of this planet is to alert the mercenaries to his presence, most likely kill several of them in strange and brutal ways, and steal their spaceship.
Early in the film, we learn how Riddick came to this new planet, it seems he was betrayed by a group of people called “necromongers,” and left for dead. This underdeveloped backstory seems to serve almost no purpose except for a small injection of pornography into the film, with a few long shots of full nudity. The MPAA grades it as “some” sexual content/nudity, which is putting it mildly.
The cinematic effects were laughable, with some shots clearly composited from a room in Montreal that needed a few more rocks, and a boatload of hasty CGI. The entire planet seemed to be populated by just two animals, both of which looked like they were created by pulling describing features out of a hat.
The most noticeably terrible part of this movie is the writing. The previews were the only part of the film that didn’t seem thrown together or badly improvised. In “Riddick,” lines roll out of the actor’s mouths like big lumps of rotten lard, rendered only from the most idiotic hogs available.
Granted, there is an audience out there that will readily consume sexist, violent movies like “Riddick,” but I disagree with everything that audience stands for.
Rated R for strong violence, language and some sexual content/nudity.